She is a classic gym fixture. No matter what time you work out, be it rush or off-peak, she'll be there. She's the one dressed to the hilt, probably in something well color coordinated. She's also in full makeup and with 'rock' on her finger that could wipe out hunger in Africa. She can be found lounging by the comfy chairs in the lobby taking calls on her cellfone. In a sense, the gym is her office. Not that she really exercise or even sweats. She hires a buff personal trainer to lift, flex and stretch her legs for her.
Mirror Hogs:
The name says it all. Mirror hogs are those people who spend too much time flexing and examinining their cuts. He likes to workout in front of the mirror. No matter what corner of the mirror you may need to use, they block your view. At first, you'll try to move around them, politely clearing your throat once then twice to indicate that you, too, would like to flex and examine cuts. But these signals don't mean anything to the mirror hog. They are immune to your amateur technique. He's interested in one person and one person only: himself. And he feels compelled to monitor his muscle development with every curl-even if it means blocking your access to weights.
The Macho Man:
He's the Johnny Bravo-looking guy with giant neck and bulging arm muscles, and the teeny-tiny legs that make him look like he could tip over at any time. These men are always at the gym no matter what the hour or the holiday. While they may be physically intimidating, they have no interest in making friends..other than to bench-press you for fun. Their love affair is with the free weights.
The Steroid Guy:
The vein in his neck is throbbing and he looks like he might snap and punch someone in the face anytime. He's a classic rager. He's serious about his workout and he doesn't want anything getting his way.
The Anorexic:
She's the one who's very thin and is working out harder than everyone else. She's at the gym so often you're starting to think that he lives there. Get out of the way before her toothpick-thin legs snap and she flies off the treadmill.
The Weight Watchers:
After removing any item (watch, bracelet and contact lenses) that might minutely alter their weight, these men and women sheepishly approach the scale as if it might give them an electric shock for gaining a pound. Once on the scale, they maneuver the weights nervously and then leap off and return the scale to zero, removing all evidence of said weight gain or loss.
The Yeller:
He's the guy who lifts and lifts loudly. He's working hard and he wants everyone to know it. So do yourself a favor and stay away or suffer the ear-shuttering consequences.
The Old Man:
He's there under doctor's orders and is desperately trying to prevent his second heart attack. He sweats profusely and appears to be in great pain. Stand back and give him some room to breathe.
The Stinkers:
He's the guy who rolls out of bed and heads straight for the gym. He has horrible breath and bad body odor. You'll notice that he hasn't changed his gym shorts and shirt since last week. He detonates his stink bombs for all gym goers to suffer.
The Trainers:
He spends the bulk of his time attempting to persuade you to sign up for personal training sessions. He will share no tips, no tricks of the trade and no workout secrets. He examines your body with an almost cruel lack of consideration. Your Buddha belly will be disussed and your flabby arms will be mentioned. He'll sure make you feel bad about yourself.
The Peeper:
He's the guy who gives you that unsettling feeling that you're always being stared at. But don't worry-he won't make a move. He's a peeper. And though he may not be the type to cross the room for a chat, like it or not, he'll be thinking about you later. This is the man whose most distinguishing characteristic is the amount of time he spends in the free weights area. He lifts, stares and pretends to lift some more.
The Creeper:
He stares too long. He stands too close. And if he sees an opening, he'll come over and talk to you, using such winning and tested lines like, "You have a nice chest. Can I touch it?". So don't give him an opening and travel in groups whenever possible.
The Creeper's Prey:
He stares back, lift and stares again. He wanders around the locker room in hopes of coming across with a creeper. He frequents steam baths and saunas. He entertains creepy openings and responds: "Yes you may touch my chest..you may even lick it if you like". He's sure to look forward for more creepy encounters.
The Poser:
He's the guy who is in love with his physique. He's usually found around the locker room naked. In fact, he prefers to do everything naked. He shaves naked. He blow-dries his hair naked. He flexes his muscles in from of the mirrror naked. In other words, he is head over heels madly in love with himself. And you're just getting in the way of the love affair. So step aside.
The Locker Blockers:
He's the one with the entire contents of his gym bag spread out on the bench like its his. And yes, he's the same guy who hoards all the equipment and free weights with all devil-may-care.
The Gym Buddy:
He offers to give a hand and then spots incorrectly. He spots and don't pay attention as the lifter struggles beneath them. He's the one who will dash out of the gym as fast as he can and leave the lifter under the weights on the first strike of fire alarm.
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